Sally Elizabeth Tonks Koca

Sad times have ruled recently. Diane's beloved sister, Sally lost her 15 month battle against colon cancer. She was diagnosed at age 49, before the recommended age for one's first colonoscopy. The aggressive tumor took over and Sally died on April 8, 2016. Her memorial service was April 22, 2016. I was asked to read her eulogy which I was able to to do but some difficulty. She was an amazing person and I wanted to include it here.

The Sally Elizabeth Tonks Koca Eulogy

At Christ First Baptist Church, Covina, CA: April 22, 2016

I brought my own water bottle because the eyes may get wet but the mouth gets dry.

Hi, I’m Jim Mackin. I’m Sally’s brother in law, Diane’s husband. Sally, Buggy, Bug. That nine year old little girl at our wedding 41 years ago. We watched her grow from a child to a teenager, to a woman, a magnificent woman.

I feel deeply honored that Barry has asked me to read the eulogy he has so lovingly written.

We are here today to mourn the loss of a wonderful woman, Sally Tonks Koca. We are also here today to celebrate her life as she touched all of our lives in different ways.

On behalf of the Tonks Family, Sally’s son, Sequoyah Brightcloud, Barry Koca and his Family, we want to thank you for honoring Sally today and for all the cards, prayers and support you have showered on Sally and our Families over the past 15 months.

You all know there is no way to capture and summarize Sally’s spirit on a sheet of paper. So we will do our best to embrace her passions, spirit and purpose over the past 50 years of her life.

Sally was gifted in many ways and as child in kindergarten she began dance classes, quickly progressing into ballet where she excelled and performed into her mid teens.  At the same time Sally enrolled in Girls Scouts where she earned numerous merit badges, learned many life long skills and developed a love for the outdoors through backpacking and hiking adventures.

Sally was loved by her three sisters and as the baby in the family they would often give Sally deference. Diane relates a time when Sally asked for a glass of ice water. As Diane descended the stairs she heard Sally say, “Crushed Please”. Sally had a very cute way of getting what she wanted and was courteous and kind. When she was tired she would roll up like Pill Bug and thus was given the nickname “Bug” or “Buggy” by her sisters. Sally adored her sisters and in later life was always excited to spend time with them or travel on trips together.

Girl Scouting became a big part of Sally’s formative years. Sally’s mother, Nona Tonks, supported Sally for many years through youth activities and held troop leadership positions providing a role model for Sally to follow in her later life.

At South Hills High School, Sally participated in Volleyball, Tennis and Performing Arts programs.

Sally liked to dress up and just try on clothes combinations. In fact, Sally was known to have a friend or two over and while getting ready to go out for the night Sally and her friends tried on different combinations of clothes all night, and never went out. That connection time was more meaningful to Sally than going out into the world for the evening.

In Sally’s first year of college she participated in sorority activities and rowed crew for San Diego State Univ. Girl Scouts, ballet, acting, rowing crew…Sally could do it all and in diverse range of interests.

Sally moved to the Bay area in her early 20’s and explored many different life experiences, searching for her passion and purpose in life. She gravitated towards a Naturopathic lifestyle, which included whole and organic foods, healing herbs and a simple lifestyle. She lived and acted free of regard for conventional rules and practices.  Now that was Sally! She pursued knowledge of ancient wisdom that Mother Earth has provided to all of us.

After her son, Sequoyah was born in 1996 Sally completed her college degree at Sonoma State University in City and Regional Planning with a minor in Economics and helped support her new family.

Sequoyah was her shining light and purpose. She committed her life to being available and to being a great Mother. Sequoyah loved his Mom and is so grateful for all the love she has given him and the sacrifices she has made for him.

Sally volunteered for different Non Profit groups while working in city government.  One time she was working with the Meals on Wheels program for the rural elderly in Sonoma County. The County was discontinuing the rural program and Sally lobbied and fought the County and saved the program for these elderly in need!

After 20 years living in the Bay area, Sally moved back to Southern California with her 9 year old son, Sequoyah, where they joined Christ First Church.

Eight months after moving back, Sally met Barry on Match Dot Com. Barry and Sally each were encouraged by close friends to get on Match. This was completely foreign and weird to both. On their first date, Sally arrived early to the restaurant and sat out front of the restaurant, hoping to get a glimpse of him as he walked past and possibly go to plan B if needed. Barry on the other hand went into the restaurant through the back door to get a glimpse of Sally before entering through the front door. Since no one was in the restaurant, Sally sat in front on a bench and Barry circled around the outside of the restaurant towards the front where they both met outside and gave each other a big hug…. Sally and Barry felt an immediate and powerful connection.

Barry had never met such a vibrant and talented woman before and was in complete awe of Sally and her presence. Sally could sing lyrics to popular Country Western music from the 70’s followed by a discussion of classical music, all while juicing wheat grass, celery, ginger and carrots for them to drink. She could walk into a room and light it up with her Beautiful smile and confident elegant presence. Barry loved Sally dearly and asked for her hand in marriage. They married on April 26, 2009.

Sally loved the ocean, not only to be near it but more so to get in and swim. On a  date to the Balboa pier, Sally and Barry did not bring swim suits but were wearing shorts and short sleeves standing on the beach, looking at the water… Sally told Barry she was going to get in the ocean and swim and Barry thought she was joking since she did not have a swim suit... Suddenly, Sally laid down her purse and threw off her shoes then ran directly into the ocean. Of course Barry happily followed and they swam together! Sally also spent many hours at the ocean with Sequoyah and their two-person Kayak… Sally set her sights on taking classes for being certified to sail.

The most important life goals that Sally had when Barry met her were to be a great mother to Sequoyah and to be a spiritual warrior for God and Jesus.

Sally’s life long passion was to be on a Speaking and Motivational Leadership circuit.  Sally had been the keynote speaker at several women’s functions here at Christ First and was recognized by the Southern California Women’s Ministry District as having true speaking talent. They offered Sally a circuit speaking position. She declined honoring her commitment to Sequoyah to be present and available to him.

Sally was strong, athletic, able, and fearless. On her 43rd Birthday, her wish was to climb half dome in Yosemite. She was disappointed she was unable to ascend due to rain and fog. However, she did chase away bears that came into camp both nights of sleeping without tents at the Half Dome base camp. Sally slalom waterskied at the age of 45.  At 48, she hiked to the top of Sugarloaf Mountain with Barry on his 51^st birthday. She rode quads, scooters and motorcycles and obtained her motorcycle license at the age of 45.

She believed in the truth, the whole truth even if it was brutal. White lies, whining or sarcasm were not recognized as a legitimate form of communication. Her sisters may beg to differ on this point.  Sally wanted meaningful connection during each conversation. She wanted you to “say what you mean”, and to “use your words”, “not repeat yourself” and “never end a sentence with a preposition.

Sally believed in serving those in need. Several times each year, Sally and Barry prepared homeless kits with toiletries and food cards. Off to Pershing Square they went in downtown LA where they handed out these kits to the homeless. Asking each person their first name, Sally and Barry would pray for the homeless often receiving a big smile from each individual they met on the street. Sally knew there was no better service to humanity than to serve those in true need of the basic essentials in life.

Sally was a student of spiritual practice. She searched for Truth and Purpose. The Truth became clear for Sally with the birth of her son, Sequoyah and her baptism here at Christ First in 2005. She understood the spiritual connections of God and the Universe. She believed that elements such as light, sound, and color have been in existence for millions of years and that they connect all of us. That is why she smiled at strangers. Most importantly, she believed that God was the one source of sanctuary. She would strive to practice the ways of Jesus in order to serve mankind.

Sally was in the hospital when she was told her Father, Roy, died on February 10, 2016. She called her sisters offering to write and read the Eulogy at Roy’s memorial service. Sally was in the hospital herself the 5 days before and 4 days after Roy’s service. She was determined to be released from the hospital, attend the memorial service and read Roy’s eulogy. Sally sat in a wheel chair in the front of this sanctuary in great pain and discomfort and presented Roy’s eulogy, honoring her Father at his time of transition. Sally never complained about the pain she was suffering with or ask “why me” during her 15 months battle with cancer. Sally believed until the day she died that there was hope. She had tremendous Faith in where she was headed.

Seeing all the wonderful Family and Friends celebrating Sally in this sanctuary and the impact she has made in all our lives comforts us to know she is so loved and glorified by God for Eternity.

So, leave here today, examine your purpose in life, smile at strangers, and serve your fellow man. That is what Sally would want you to do.

May your spirit be strong.